Posted by: travelrat | March 7, 2011

I Hate Painting!

I hate painting!

It must be the most boring, tedious task in the world … probably why, if you get a professional painter in, the first thing off his van will probably be a paint-spattered radio.

Anyway, next week, I’ll probably say it was all worth it; my hall, staircase and landing are now a restful cream, instead of the ‘Sunburst Yellow’ they’ve been for the last ten years. And, I didn’t get too much paint on the carpet.

Naturally, I thought of the ‘painter jokes’:

  1. Patrick.
  2. Patrick was a painter, and one day, he had some external painting to do. He found his paint was running short, but didn’t want to go back to the shop for more. So, he was maybe a bit heavier with the turpentine than he should have been.

    Just as he’d finished, the heavens opened, and down came the rain. It absolutely chucked it down and, since the paint was so diluted, it just washed off. Then, a light shone behind the cloudes, and a voice from the heavens called his name, and told him:

    ‘Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!’

    Of course, we had the usual conversation: ‘If you want a professional job doing, get a professional in’, which reminded me of:

  3. Miguel and Cristina (told to me by a Spanish Vaughantown participant)

Miguel and Cristina lived in a flat in Madrid. One day, Cristina told Miguel that the door on the kitchen cupboard was sticking.

‘What am I?’ said Miguel ‘A carpenter?’

The next day, one of the power points started sparking.

‘What am I?’ asked Miguel ‘An electrician?’

On the third day, the tap in the bathroom started dripping.

‘What am I?’ said Miguel ‘A plumber?’

On the fourth day, Miguel came home from work to find the cupboard door, the power point and the tap all fixed. Did she get someone in? Not really, she said. Pedro, from next door, fixed all these things.

‘Pedro? He never does anything for nothing! What did he want?’

‘He said I could either make him a cake, or go to bed with him’

‘What kind of cake did you make?’

‘What am I? A baker?’

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Responses

  1. Hi Keith,
    I loved the Miguel and Cristina joke, had no idea what was coming. 😆

    I am a shocking painter, I seem to get more paint on me than on whatever I’m trying to paint. 🙂

  2. Absolutely brilliant. LOLZ.

    One of the benefits of being asthmatic is that I have a sensitivity to paint, so consequently I never have to paint anything. My hubby is a great painter, though. He used to do it for a living in NZ and is extremely adept at it. Unfortunately it means that everyone asks him for his help when they are painting their houses.

    I love your jokes!

    • Oh, dear me!

      Anyone who has friends … or even acquaintances … who have any kind of skill at all think that they’ll help them out for a couple of beers.Mind you, such skills are barter-able. A lovely lady called Dawn used to do my books and tax returns, in return for me photographing her kids once in a while.

      Maybe I shouldn’t mention the emulsion that Crown Paints produce; it’s reputed to have no smell at all … maybe it hasn’t, but the white paint I used on the woodwork does, so it makes it kind of pointless.


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